Re-finding yourself in motherhood

Have you ever felt like you pour so much into being a mom that you’ve lost yourself along the way? You’re not alone. This identity blur is something many moms go through—and it’s a sentiment I’ve heard from countless other mothers who want to reconnect with who they are beyond motherhood.

Motherhood is a beautiful, transformative journey. But it’s also challenging. You spend so much time nurturing your little ones, juggling the endless cycle of chores, and trying to be the best version of “mom” that it’s easy to feel like your personal identity has faded into the background. One moment, you’re you; the next, it feels like you’re defined by what you do - not who you are.

That’s why I felt so seen when I came across a photography series by Olga Steinepreis. Her work captures the emotional push and pull many moms experience. As Olga shared:

“The series began with a few individual works that I initially created to process my feelings of being overwhelmed by the endless cycle of daily chores and the pressure to be a perfect mother. As I continued working, I realized that these images were all connected by a common theme: The struggle to balance personal identity with the demanding roles of motherhood.”

Have you felt that sense of identity blur, or melt away, in motherhood? It’s a journey so many of us can relate to. And yet, finding yourself in this new season of life requires intention, courage, and support.

And remember: Whatever this new version of you is like is absolutely okay. It’s yours to own. Yours to evolve.

For new moms, Headspace shares some wisdom on this topic: 

“Adjusting to motherhood is one of the most difficult transitions you will ever make. Your whole identity shifts in an instant. The life you had the day before giving birth becomes an entirely different and unreachable world. Motherhood can easily eclipse your own mental, physical, and emotional needs if you aren’t mindful about creating some breathing room to be you.”

It makes it sound like a lot—because it is, and they’re saying it straight. The importance of creating that breathing room to be you can’t be understated. Two tips from that Headspace piece particularly stood out to me: Accepting this new part of your identity and making sure to talk to adults.

First up, making peace with this overwhelming, terrifying, wondrous new part of yourself. They mention how becoming a mother can open up new realms of personal growth for us—which I know it did for me. It’s not a bed of roses by any means, and that personal growth can look like tears and tantrums sometimes. But learnings come from those moments of tension, as long as we take time to process them healthily. And that personal growth looks like beaming smiles, silly antics, and memories that will stay with you always, too.

As for talking to adults, oh mama does this matter. Your friends and relatives will be up for visiting you and helping out, I hope, making it feasible to get some grown-up conversation time. Headspace shares the great tip of making sure you’ve got something to talk about with your partner that’s not your baby, too. A podcast, a series, an article: Whatever floats your boat, it’s good to connect over something aside from your tiny human.

From the new-mom stage all the way through to grown-up kids, here are some ways back to you that mommas out there might find helpful:

1. Take moments for yourself

A bath, a trashy episode, a pastry at your favorite place. Whatever it is, and whether you have your little one beside you while it happens or not, taking moments like this for you matters - more than it might appear at first glance.

2. Get some pampering to come to you

Having the same beauty routine you did before kids might be important self-care for you. It can be more effort than it’s worth to take your little one to a salon, though, so why not book at-home treatments? There are plenty of great hairdressers, nail artists, lash tinters, etc. who’ll come to yours.

3. Connect with Friends Outside of the “Mom” Bubble

While it’s wonderful to share your experiences with fellow moms, it’s just as important to connect with friends who knew you before. This will likely take some serious schedule planning and probably a different time of day—and beverage options—than your go-tos of old. But it’s a brilliant way to spend time out of mom mode, if you can. Catching you up on what’s going on in their lives, refreshing the conversations you’re hearing and the thoughts popping into your head, and hopefully reminding you that you’ve still got all the ingredients that made you, you before.

Motherhood is a monumental shift. It’s joyful and exhausting, connecting and isolating—all at once. But through it all, remember: You’re still you. The woman with dreams, passions, and a spark all her own. It’s okay to want to find her again and to make space for that discovery.

Want more tips on balancing personal growth with parenting? Download our free guide to finding yourself in motherhood. And join our community @lovefortsumpter for more stories, encouragement, and a space where all of you is welcome.