The Words We Choose: How Language Shapes Our Parenting Journey
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Time to read 5 min
Why Your Words Matter More Than You Think
Think about it: Would you talk to your best friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself?
We’ve all been there. You’re overwhelmed, emotions are running high, and—before you know it—you’ve said something to your child (or to yourself) that you wish you could take back.
The truth is, words hold incredible power. They shape how our children see themselves, how they view the world, and how they interact with others. They also influence how we, as moms, feel about our own roles and identities.
But with a little awareness, we can harness that power for good. Let’s explore how intentional language can nurture confidence, resilience, and empathy in our children—and ourselves.
The Power of Words in Parenting
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Yet studies reveal that words can have a profound and lasting impact on emotional development.
Research in developmental psychology has consistently shown that positive reinforcement and encouragement from parents play a critical role in fostering children’s emotional resilience, problem-solving skills, and self-esteem. Conversely, harsh or critical language can lead to increased anxiety and self-doubt.
In fact, a 2021 study in the International Journal of Behavioral Development highlights this connection. The research found that when parents used warm, supportive language during emotionally challenging situations, children were better able to process and regulate their feelings, leading to improved emotional well-being and stronger coping skills .
For moms, it’s easy to let unintentional words slip out during a stressful moment. But those moments are also opportunities: A thoughtful response can model emotional regulation for your kids and teach them valuable life skills.
Here’s an example: Instead of saying, “Why can’t you listen?” try, “I need your help right now. Can you listen so we can figure this out together?”
The Language We Use Shapes Us, Too
This isn’t just about how we talk to our kids; how we speak to ourselves matters just as much. Research shows that self-directed language significantly influences our stress levels, mental health, and overall well-being. (See study here).
Practicing self-compassion—especially through intentional, supportive self-talk—activates brain regions associated with emotional regulation and stress reduction. This response promotes resilience even in high-pressure situations like parenting. Conversely, critical self-talk can increase stress, making it harder to respond calmly to challenges.
Essentially, the way we talk to ourselves can either help us stay calm and strong or make stressful situations feel even harder to handle.
But let’s be honest: Moms are often their own toughest critics. Think about the last time you made a mistake or felt overwhelmed. What did that inner voice say? Was it kind, or harsh?
Here’s a little challenge: The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not doing enough,” pause and reframe that thought. Try, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
Practical Tip :
Write down three affirmations to repeat when self-doubt creeps in. You could try:
- “I’m a good mom, even when I struggle.”
- “My effort is enough to make a difference.”
- “Every day is a new chance to grow.”
Tips for Using Intentional Language with Your Kids
Building confidence and trust with your children starts with mindful communication. Here are some strategies you can try out:
Focus on the Positive
Instead of focusing on what your child did wrong, highlight what they can do next. Rather than saying, “You’re so messy,” try, “Let’s work together to tidy up so we can have more room to play!”
This encourages cooperation and also shifts the focus from criticism to collaboration.
Label the Behavior, Not the Child
Avoid labels like “lazy” or “naughty,” which can stick with a child long-term. Instead, describe the behavior and its impact:
“When you left your toys out, it made it hard to walk through the room safely. Let’s pick them up together.”
Acknowledge Feelings First
When emotions run high, start by validating your child’s feelings:
“I can see that you’re really frustrated right now. Let’s take a moment to breathe and figure this out.”
This approach helps children feel seen and understood, which often diffuses tension.
Helping Kids Understand the Power of Their Words
As much as our words shape our children, teaching them to use their own words wisely matters as well. This builds foundations for empathy, honesty, and strong communication skills.
The “Think Before You Speak” Rule
Teach your kids to pause and ask themselves:
- “Is it true?”
- “Is it kind?”
- “Is it necessary?”
These three questions encourage mindfulness and discourage gossip or hurtful language.
Practice Empathy Through Roleplay
Roleplaying scenarios is a fun way to teach empathy. For example: Pretend one stuffed animal hurt another’s feelings, then guide your child in resolving the situation with kind words.
Encourage Active Listening
Active listening is a skill many adults struggle with, but it’s never too early to start practicing! Try this family activity:
Have one person share a story while others ask questions to fully understand it. Then switch roles.
Your Words, Your Power
A Reminder in a Story: The Island Vacation Episode
In one of the episodes of our kids’ podcast, The Adventures of Curiosity Cove , Ella overhears part of a conversation and accidentally spreads a rumor. It’s a perfect example of how easily misunderstandings happen—and how important it is to think before we speak.
Use this episode as a jumping-off point to discuss mindfulness with your kids. Ask:
- “Have you ever heard something that turned out not to be true?”
- "How do you think Ella could have handled this differently?”
These discussions help make abstract lessons feel concrete and relatable for your kids.
Every word you say has the potential to uplift, inspire, and nurture. Will they always come out perfectly? No. And that’s okay. Parenting is a journey, not a test.
As moms, our intentions are always rooted in love - but our words don’t always reflect that. The beauty of parenting is that every day offers new opportunities to grow, learn, and connect.
So let’s start small.
Choose one tip from this post to try today - whether it’s pausing before you respond or rephrasing negative self-talk. Over time, these little shifts will make a big difference.
Fort Sumpter
Led by founder Tika Sumpter, at Fort Sumpter we aim to make every day easier for moms, allowing them to fill their own cups and feel valid in every facet of themselves, to better support those around them. We aim to inspire children through a world of story adventures, guiding them through the intricacies of everyday life. And we aim to provide a sense of community, showing that no-one has to go at life alone.
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